Mondo Mondo Mondo!
by Klah n Clain
Summary: Dedicated to EVERYONE'S favorite character. Give it a chance. It actually has a plot.
1. oh baby!

A/N: This story is whole heartedly dedicated to our favorite, MOST IMPORTANT CHARACTER that appears in EVERY SINGLE EPISODE, ESPECIALLY the American episodes, AND IS SUCH A WELL-KNOWN character that EVERYONE in the UNIVERSE knows him: Mondo! Yes, folks, you heard right, the one and only star of the famous worldwide appreciated Pokemon!!  
  
Extra A/N: That was sarcastic... in case you're such a gimli that you think Mondo is ACTUALLY a star. Dudes, he's like, never mentioned in the show at all... so why the paige is he in EVERY SINGLE ROCKETSHIPPING FANFICTION?? Seriously, I haven't read a fanfic where Mondo ISN'T included in like... a month. So sit back, relax, and enjoy this fic written just for the Mondo fans: Mondo Mondo Mondo!!  
  
--Klah n Clain _______________________________________________________________________  
  
Jesse approached Misty, preparing to put up a fight for the prized Starmie. All of the starmie in the world had become extinct randomly for no reason, and hers was worth kajillions (I love using the usual fake numbers)... she crept up behind Misty's seat. Misty was online, reading something. Jesse reached for her backpack...  
  
"What are you doing?" Misty demanded, not taking her eyes of the screen.  
  
"Um, stealing your starmie?" Jesse explained herself honestly (for some reason)  
  
"Oh, okay, sure," Misty said, and handed her the pokeball containing starmie, still staring at the screen.  
  
Jesse froze, staring at the pokeball Misty had just handed her. She didn't know what to say... a 'thank you' just seemed weird... what was distracting Misty so much?  
  
"What are you reading?" Jesse asked, leaning over her shoulder to view the screen. Misty didn't say anything, just kept on reading, so Jesse read it herself.  
  
__________________ MISTY TURNED TO FACE ASH...  
  
"ASH, I'M... I'M PREGNANT... WITH JAMES'S BABY..." ___________________  
  
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" Jesse shreiked, sort of shocked (wouldn't you be?). Misty finally turned to face Jesse.  
  
"You see-"  
  
"Since when do YOU sleep with James?? With... ANYBODY? You're like... two!"  
  
"Twelve. But that's beside the point. This stuff is plastered all over the internet. People have been writing about us... take a look!" Misty explained, and with a couple clicks of her mouse, she pulled up a very... very rocketshippy story. Rated R. Jesse shoved her out of the chair and read... it wasn't long before she let out another shreik.  
  
"These people are disgusting!! This is like, porn! What is wrong with these sick people?? And how do they know us?" Jesse faced Misty, waiting for an explanation. "You wrote it, didn't you? You're sick, you know that?? And you're only like, six!"  
  
"Twelve! And no, I didn't write it! A whole bunch of random people did... there's lots of disgusting stuff about me, too! Like there was this one where I was pregnant with Brock's baby-"  
  
"Pregnant? You're too young to be pregnant, missy. You're like, ten!"  
  
"TWELVE! And I'm just as likely to get pregnant as you!"  
  
"Hello!!!! I'm like, seventeen! You haven't even STARTED puberty yet!"  
  
"I HAVE BOOBS THOUGH!"  
  
"MINE ARE BIGGER!"  
  
"Well, you're older!"  
  
"My point exactly!" Jesse stood up.  
  
"Your boob size doesn't determine your chances of getting pregnant!" Misty defended.  
  
"I know THAT! Whether or not you've started your period does!"  
  
"So what if I haven't? I can still get pregnant!"  
  
Everyone in the world came and stared at Misty for about three seconds, then left. Well, Mondo stayed.  
  
"Mondo, get the hell out." Jesse stabbed Mondo and he died.  
  
"Anyway, the point is, I'm better, more likely to get pregnant, AND I have your starmie."  
  
"BITCH!"  
  
Jesse ran away to go meet James and they sold Starmie for nine and got rich and lived. 


	2. No

...until Meowth happened. "James, you and Ash should go to the computer now." "Oh okay." James and Ash appeared at the computer. "What the hell?" James asked. Well, it DOES have a question mark on the end. Ash sat down at the computer and read. "Der-uh, what are you and Jesse doing in this sto-ree?" "Lemme see that." He pushed Ash to Utah and sat down in the swivel chair. His expression was inquisitive ('curious' for illiterate idiots) at first, but after perusing three more paragraphs, his mouth formed a mischevious grin. "What, der-uh?" Ash asked stupidly. He tried reading over James's shoulder, but he kicked him out of the way. "You're like four, you can't read this stuff," he said, licking his lips, "the NC-17 section." "Hey, you're, like, being all testosteroney (the Sanfrancisco Treat) like you are in other fics, like TOTALLY outta character," Ash surprisingly observed, but speaking in a Valley Girl accent so it canceled it out. "Shaddup, will ya?" James said, rolling the scroll button down. "I'm TRYING ta concentrate here! This's some good stuff! And it's FREE!" Ash flopped on the ground like a Magikarp. Mondo came in and exploded. Ash and James turned to the brown locks of hair gently floating down, looked sadly to the ground, then started talking about cars. "I have a V-8 Splash engine." "Well I have 256 Horsea power." Ba-boom cha. Meowth came in and gave James his old personality back. James sat there for a second, then looked at the computer screen again. "People ACTUALLY think Jesse and I would make a good couple?!" he swelled his chest up. "I think I have enough courage to finally ask her out on a date!" Ash sat on James's leg. "I want a chicken, and a duckie, and a pillow, and a new Pikachu..." Pikachu came in and thundershocked Gimli. Then he died. It doesn't matter which one you take to be dying, either. Ash walked on all fours over to James. "Do you like Jesse?" James blushed and turned his head slightly away. "Yes, but I've ALWAYS been TOO AFRAID to ask her, because I'm FRIGHTENED that she might TURN ME DOWN."  
  
Meowth came in and slapped Gimli. "James, you can't say that! One, it's cliche, and two, IT'S IN EVERY FRICKIN' ROCKETSHIPPER FIC ON THE WEB." "Oh." James shook Meowth's hand. "Thanks for telling me how I feel." "Anytime. Oh, and by the way,WHY THE HELL DOES NOBODY EVER PUT ME-OWTH IN THEIR STORY?! JUST BECAUSE I'M BLACK, RIGHT? YOU NASTY WHITE TRASH, BEING NAZIS AND KKK. NO MORE FASCIST USA. AM I LIKE A TURNOFF OR SOMETHING?" James looked nervously around. "Have you actually WATCHED the show, Meowth? HOW many times have I had the chance to be alone with Jesse, if it weren't for you? She could have know how I really feel..." The feline Pokemon slapped Gimli again. "You're doing it again! But yeah, I feel kinda bad 'bout yous two never gettin' togedah causa me." He started crying. James hugged him. "It's okay, you're both equally my friends, I'd never wish either one of you away!" Ash sat there, looking at them with a Ditto expression on his face. Meowth clawed him until he stopped, then they both lived ever after. 


	3. No again

"I'm mad at you," declared Alphabeta Gammadelta.  
  
James killed him. Then he got online.  
  
There were so many types of stories about him... there were ones where he and Jesse were "just friends", there were some where he was gay, there were some where he was in love with cassidy... and a lot of them were really explicit sex scenes with Jesse.  
  
Um.  
  
He was sort of shocked, he didn't know how to react... I mean, he did love Jesse... duh... but why the ash were so many people writing about it? Were they stalking him???  
  
Hmm... maybe... maybe he could write one...  
  
Just one. A true one. One that really described the relationship he had with his partner, and the one he wanted to have....  
  
He wouldn't post it... no, he would just write it for jollies.  
  
_________________________________________  
  
Two hours later, he had finished. It was perfect. It described everything he was feeling.... including everything. Yes.  
  
Deciding to post it anon. after all, he... posted it anon and turned the computer off.  
  
Behind a bush (What? In every story, there's always a convenient bush) Mondo stood. He ran to China, then back to Japan and told Jesse what James had written.  
  
Then a giant squirrel bit his head off.  
  
Jesse shrugged and went to go read the story at the link mondo had told her... www.jamesmorgandidnotwritethissodontbesuspecious.com.  
  
James appeared next to her and screamed when he noticed what she was reading.  
  
"I DIDN'T WRITE IT I SWEAR!"  
  
"Um... okay... James, relax! I know you wrote it, I wanted to tell you-"  
  
"THAT YOU HATE ME?? I KNEW IT! NOW I'M GONNA GO KILL MYSELF!" He shreiked (aww) and then made an eight count turn to the left, playing in quarter notes.  
  
Meowth appeared and slapped tina. "Look, James, you can't kill yourself, it's already been in a rocketshippy story before..."  
  
"Oh, right... so instead, I'll go play basketball..."  
  
James left, skipping happily. Jesse finished the story with mixed feelings. What if James had written all of the other fanfics, too? Even the explicit ones??  
  
James was one sick dude, writing about her and cassidy like that! Her and butch like that! Her and ... him like that... for the public eye!!  
  
She plotted revenge... and began to write a story of her own... smiling a very, very evil (yes, it's used correctly, not like tess) grin.  
  
______________  
  
James came back at half past 7, sweating and exhausted.  
  
"How was your game, James?" Meowth asked... (Jesse was still online)  
  
"It sucked. I lost really badly to this guy named Maddox... dude, he lied! He told me he SUCKED at basketball... but really he's like, the best! He kicked everyone's ass!  
  
"Hmm... yeah, figures."  
  
Meowth and James went to bed and lived, while Jesse finished her story... 


	4. Okay

"Jaaaaames..." Jesse whined. He instantly appeared the moment he heard her distress signal. "AOL 9.0 is being tina, come make it stop doing everything for me." "Okay!" he said, happily taking over the keyboard. Jesse snuck out and traveled to the Surveillance Room (I have no idea where this is taking place, but I picture it in Klah's house...and since EVERYONE knows what it looks like on the inside...yeah) to watch James on the camera she installed in the doorway. She zoomed in to observe what exactly he was typing. James was one of those people who said stuff as they wrote it because I'm lazy and I wanna put it in quotes. "Dear AOL, please stop being tina. My friend Jesse is having a hard time getting around all of the unnecessary virus protection you have. Thanks, James Morgan." He gracefully hit the enter button ('return' for Macintosh users) and went of to ballet lessons. He didn't even take them, he just went. Jesse did that thing where you snap your fingers and swing your arm and say, "darn". "Darn! Now I'll NEVER (NEVER EVER) know who wrote those fics..." Suddenly (or 'all of the sudden') a knock came from their glass door. She answered it, and in rushed the fattest, greasiest, ugliest slobbering fanboy she had ever seen. He skittered behind the T.V. as soon as the door opened wide enough (which was to say, all the way open). "Eeek! Meowth! Get in here!" Meowth slid skillfully down the railing of the stairs and landed in front of Jesse. "Whazzup?" Jesse pointed to the electronic appliance (...not REALLY an appliance, but that's okay. Why? Because I suck at writing. Just kidding, I kick everyone's ass at writing, because I'm the best ever). "A fanboy ran in and hid behind there, can you catch it? Maybe the boss would like something to feed his Nidoking." Meowth reflected on the fond dream of being the Boss's favorite again. "Piece o' cake, Jess." He went to Mondo's room, ripped a kiddie porn poster off his wall, and took it back downstairs. He laid it expertly under a crate with a stick propping it up (and if you have no idea what that is, watch some more Loony Tunes, freak). Hiding behind the couch with string in hand, he waited patiently. A small tug was felt in Meowth's padded paws. He peaked around the corner and saw the obese fanboy pawing carefully at the adult material. Jesse joined Meowth. She gave him a worried look suggesting that she was...worried. "Don't worry, I gots it all under control." He indicated the fanboy. "See that shirt he's wearing? It's a silkie unicorn shirt. I've seen lots with tigers, dragons, an' even da occasional metal robot, but never a UNICORN! This is da very rare, almost extinct, Fruiticus, Nerdicus, wit da secondary classification Fanishboyion. It dwells in da harsh conditions of its own mother's unused den area. It survives primarily on things it thinks came from Japan, and store-bought ramen. And it'll eat ALL of da flavors." Jesse gasped. Meowth's eyes sparkled. "I'd never though I'd see da day when I would actually be in a twenty-foot radius of dis extrodinary creature." (I'm really not one for gradually sliding into things, so...) James returned. "Hi guys, just thought I'd-" The fanboy threw James over his shoulders, grabbed the nun-offending pictures and scuttled for the window. "My specimen!" "My partner!" "My porn!" Jesse and Meowth looked at Mondo exactly 2.6345734729109359-01-85742 seconds before hiring Orlando Bloom to put on his Legolas costume and shoot him down with his mad skillz. "Hey Jesse, afore we goes an' save James, let's read that story you were writing togedah." "Oh okay," she said, heading toward the computer room with Meowth. "And absolutely NOTHING will distract us from reading it, not even something like 'except for tina,' or 'until tina happened,'." 


End file.
